It is mid-October

The problem is that people almost always prefer what I was doing a few years earlier -this has always been true.  The other problem is that so do I...!  Discovering things is clumsy and sporadic...and the results don't at first compare well with the glossy and lauded works of the past.  You have to keep reminding yourself that they went through that as well, otherwise they become frighteningly accomplished.

That's another problem with being made to think about your own past...you forget its genesis and start to feel useless awe toward your earlier self...How did I do it?...Wherever did these ideas come from?

Now the workaday everyday now, always looks less glamorous than the rose-tinted then -except for the magic man-hours when your finger is right on the pulse -and those times only occur when you've abandoned the lifeline of your past. -Brian Eno

Whatever there be of progress in life comes not through adaption but through daring, through obeying the blind urge. -Henry Miller

And even then you may get zero nothing a tame kitten.  To find the source seems the most difficult the most oddly occurring nameless event.  And even then it has no identity no face, and you cannot remember it, you cannot recall the process.

And when you get lost you wonder why am I doing this?  Who is this for?  it just seems crazy yet not wild no it just lays there and looks up at you there is always some monstrous face in it and it asks who are you? and what do you suppose will happen?

"They told me" Willard says to Kurtz at the end of a long journey up the river "that you had gone completely insane and that you methods are unsound."

His baldness bathed in gold his body pooled in shadow, Kurtz murmurs: "Are my methods unsound...?" -apocalypse now