see what I mean

I'm sure you can see what I mean.  An artist gets an idea, or maybe it would be more accurate to say an idea gets an artist, and it won't let go.  And go where?  One cannot go anywhere while you're trying to understand the idea.  You just get one finished and then you begin looking at it.  

It doesn't really have much complexity, or even many layers.  I think what it has is a certain rhythm, and it has a bit of movement, not a great deal of either though.  What might be its appealing factor, if we decide to credit it with any, may be that it seems to be reminiscing about some other time, some memory, not an active one.

Of course I did these yesterday and the day before that and each night I had the worst dreams.  Last night I simply relived an event from my youth.  It scared the hell out of me when it actually happened.  And again each time I happen to think of it.

You see, when I was a kid we had a long pool.  I also had a three year old brother.  Well I was standing in the house behind a glass door.  I was watching my brother trying to climb under the diving board.  He slipped and fell into the pool and sank immediately to the bottom.  Twelve feet.

I instantly opened the door, tore out to the pool and dived in the shallow end.  I just kept to the bottom.  And I got to him I think a few seconds later though it has always felt like when you are running in a dream and huge hunks of soil stick to your feet or you begin to sink into the ground until only your head is left.

I picked him up and pushed to the surface and this was the hardest part.  Getting to the surface using only one hand.   God I hated it.  But finally we got close to the surface and my dad took my hand and pulled us up.  I looked at my little brother.  He didn't look scared, he was breathing normally, he wasn't crying, everything looked weirdly alright.  Yet everything was so strange around me.  I could hardly breathe myself.  I felt shaken and frightened and I almost started crying.

Later I asked him what he was feeling down there.  And he said,  Well I knew your were coming.

I wasn't really feeling anything.  I just held my breath and waited.  Three years old.