Prevenient grace

Sometimes you're moving forward and sometimes you're moving backward...and sometimes you don't know which way you're moving at all.  In fact most times I guess.

It's okay too.  They are all experiments of a type -if they even reach that level.  

It is only sensible sometimes maybe those times when I consciously so to speak -reach back to another time a moment when I was lost in grief lost in memory lost to the world and existing as we all do at times in a past that will never exist again.  And of course that will be a sea of memories.

This happens to all of us.  We may be trying to remember the scene of a movie or a scene in which we did not partake of the action but were on the sideline as a witness to the event.  In fact that may be how much of our lives are lived.  

Maybe most of our lives.  We are all imbued with this prevenient grace and I can remember how as a child I felt it tangibly.  I'd ask my mother if guardian angels really existed and she assured me they do.  And I asked about elves and fairies and she assured me they do -but she warned me to stay away from them as they are capricious and wayward.

It's funny.  Once, I was at a school concert in high school and for some reason I decided to go outside.  It was wet and rainy. No one was out there except two girls who I had never seen before.  I went up and spoke to them.  They said they were witches and asked if I would give them a ride home.  Normally I would say no and move on.  But for some stupid reason I said yes.  Maybe it was because they were both pretty or something.  No, it was because they were gentle.  

So I was driving them somewhere and it took us right by my house.  And again for some wacky reason we stopped there.  Why was that?  And where was everyone?  I had a large family and someone was always home.  But not that night.  So I asked these girls if they had like powers and they said yes would you like to see them?  And I said yea sure,  show me.  

They said well primarily we see the dead.  Hmm I thought I didn't like where this was going but I couldn't stop it.  They said outside your window is a dead girl who died in a car accident.  She does not know she is dead.  We will call her here.  Here she is.  And this dead spirit flowed in the window and looked directly at me.  It was all wrong impossible and I knew it.  I asked the girls if I could take them home and they said yes.  I don't know where that was.  But when I got back the spirit was still visible in the window.  She was flowing around the room.  

So I just sat in the car until my parents returned and I told my mom. She practically marched into the house and into that room.  I watched the spirit flow out of the house and across the front yard.  I never saw those girls again.  My mom said she told that spirit she was dead and must move on.

Of course until now I've never told anyone this story.  I don't like to think about it.  Maybe then I was embarrassed. Or scared.