extraction

Every time I look at a painting I like regardless of whether I painted it or not I think I wish I could do that.  It really hurts when I look at stuff that is maybe two years old.  I can barely stand to look at it cause I just think I could never do that, not in a million years.

Now I know what you are thinking my blue bubble friend.  You look back those distant years ago (come on what is it?  twenty? thirty?) and think he should have done hundreds of these.  These are the only good ones.  Well tell me now not then.  Which ones are they?  And why should I paint more of them?

Already painting is difficult first because I am the painter and I am annoying and dunning.  And second each painting is more often than not a sort of painful extraction, a debilitating and total immersion in something I don't understand.   I am trying to say something about which I know nothing.  So my friend,  my only dear companion can you not travel back in time to today to let me know that it's okay, that I have said something, something worth saying, even if it is only like a complex mathematical formula that only a half dozen surly baked geeks understand.

But I promise, my work is my best work there is no other work, this is it.  Maybe if you've got one of them time travel machines you could stop by...?  I'll be here.