conspiracy theory

Now and then I like to look a vice.com like at the fema coffins and stuff and I wonder what they are all for?  What do they know that I don't?  And sometimes I'll look at celebrities and vaguely wonder are they all so lost?  Or, sometimes, especially after watching a real bad film about some artist, I'll wonder did all these artists suffer? or just a few of them?  what is this all about?

And that's about as far as I go.  Then I'll go pick up an honest book, and pretty much I get subsumed by it.  It is as if I thought of the things they say.  Especially the brave things, though of course it isn't true.

And even in painting, no matter what type, it is the same way.  Why can't we all be Kandinskys, painting what we believe needs to be painted?  Well of course we don't even have any faith left, that is over a hundred years ago.  Then why not Motherwells or Pollacks?  Well, I think we are close to them, yet not quite as brave.  And that is the crux.  We cannot paint to make money nor to get famous nor any of that.  We must paint exactly what our blind path demands, and follow that road where it leads.

In fact, I think Motherwell's best painting came at the end, and at that point he no longer was famous, no longer made money, no longer had a family.  I think it had to be a rough period for him.

Now Warhol was famous and everything that came after.  The old was old.  The new was new.

And now is now.  It looks shoddy to me, worn out, rewoven, patched and darn, derivative, youth orientated, academic and pale, transgendered and play-by-the-prejudice. and it seems cynical and weak.

And it is.  It's okay, those are the things it is now.

But what are you?  What is your voice?  Remember please, now and always, your voice is the one you were born with and it is the only one you will ever have.  So sing, sing out of key, make up the lyrics, just let us hear your voice in the choir.

That's what passes for quality thought around here.  Yep, except for the books, I'd rather just look at images.  I like looking at my own too so I can go what does he think he's doing?  Why does he make these things in the first place?  And that brings me round to the fema coffins.

And that is the complete circle. Very very dull doncha know?

Getting past these blocks is the most difficult thing.   They are inside you.  The most insidious conspiracy is the one you play on yourself.