doppelganger

Somedays like todays. well you wake up its 3:17 and you just want to admit, I am no artist.  But more than that or is it less than that, I am simply not really alive.  I am simply the doppelganger of this guy.  I slink along like a strange week elongated shadow creeping up and down walls and sidewalks.  When he smiles I grin a great wide grimace like someone who has realized he has just eaten a load of sulfur and will be grinning at the beginning of deep endless pain...

...and this thin pale shadow appears and disappears during the day, for sometimes I reside inside him and comfort myself in his thought and memories...I stumble through them and search for something, though I am not sure what...

Once in a while, every so often, he accidentally creates something I think is of value, no not money...but some other thing, a kind of document that is a substitute for reality itself, something that future would be glad to look at and reflect on, a thing that is covered in grease and grime, an image of something occurring now that needs to be seen then, or maybe even now...

...I often think that I could cover the street with sheets of paper and later, after a couple of months I could go outside and collect the greatest work I have ever done...maybe only two or three sheets out of the hundred I put there...after a couple of months of being run over rained on and trashed, kids riding their bikes over them cars speeding past, hopefully some sort of oil spill or gasoline from the yard workers, and dozens of handouts, pleas for money of invitations to join, footprints, spit...and then I would be happy.