ugly art

Following the Cocteau quote -Art produces ugly things which frequently become more beautiful with time.  Fashion, on the other hand, produces beautiful things which always become ugly with time. -I try to produce ugly things.  I have been trying for years.

But I must admit I think that for the most part I produce bland things -not the same at all I know. I doubt my painting of my old church even looks like one anything...

Making things truly ugly is hard as hell.  I sometimes feel it just can't be done.  Not by me at least.  And these attempts at a Japanese art don't work at all...

Maybe its cause I am so often trying to create a sort of primitive winsome kind of thing both amateur and knowing at the same time…well that probably won't work…you simply cannot have all three goals reside in one piece I guess.

And even these goals are always mixed in with some heavy additive of painful memory.  Don't get me wrong I had a lovely childhood…the problem was that I was almost always sad I just was…and remembering it is just as bad -or good- depending on what I'm after I guess.  

But this kind of writing might make you think I feel like a failure but I don't well not usually not exactly.  This all reminds me of another Jean Cocteau quote -An Artist can no more speak of his art than a plant can discuss horticulture.