the process

The process of painting usually takes a little bit of time and sometimes a lot of time.  I know I usually start at about 8 am and I get finished with four of them at about 2 pm...odd that is about six hours. Hmmm, I don't really get it.  But anyway, there is this sometimes long drying time, and with watercolors it is often the most important time for me anyway.  I can go back in as I look at it in various stages of drying and I can add small details which I imagine make the painting. You know like finish it.  Period.

And a lot of the time at the beginning I have to work with the brush a bit to get it just dry enough. And for sure I'm constantly working with the paints to get the right transparency.  I also hate to have the paints too well blended.  I want not to work with good colors but naughty not blended not cooperating colors.

Now—the thing I really wanted to say is.  I think this process time, the blending the drying all of it, going back to get a look at, all of it.  Well I think each step has a weird way of building energy, getting me to surrender, of building my energy somehow.

Except of course, when I get done I'm always exhausted ain't it funny. What the heck am I saying then?

I'm saying you need no intent, no message to give, no belief in yourself as an artist, no movement, no agenda, nothing, none of it, you don't have to have a full belly or an empty belly a drink or a morning shower, a run along the lake, a good book, nothing nothing nothing,  though I do believe a certain emptiness is best.  I used to do thousands of mantras to empty my mind, but even that I have abandoned, I have no hopes or aspirations, I am just painting in my own way good or bad I have no idea, it is just a painting that is all.

And I believe these small paintings give back to me via the process, via standing there staring at it wondering whether it is dry enough yet, watching the colors change, I know it is filling me with aspirations, with community, with belief, with love for the few members of my circle.  It satisfies me and it says yes, we are alright, let us continue again tomorrow.